Could it Really be Love?
by 1alicia8
Summary: Sanzo, Goku, Hakkai and Gojyo are still on their journey toward the west. but... could they really be in love w eachother? HakkaiXGojyo. SanzoXGoku. Shonen Ai [Chapter 6 is FINALLY up!] READ ME!
1. I Think

Part One: I Think

The monkey looked up, stupefied. The voice of one priest had made him come back to reality and look beyond the cave he was trapped within.

"Huh?"

"I _said _shut up. Your voice is annoying the hell outta me." Sanzo said, preparing to point the gun at his head. He thought about blowing the monkey once, but something had stopped him. He looked up toward the sun and then back at the dazed creature before him. He slowly exhaled and extended his hand. "Come on, Goku. Let's go."

Goku reached for his hand still dumbfounded. "But I… I didn't say anything…" he started following Sanzo out of the dark isolation.

"Shut up. Just follow me." He turned and started heading toward the west.

_I know I heard him calling me…_

Goku stood before the cave, watching Sanzo walk down the mountain. He looked back at the cave that had once held him captive for what seemed forever. Freedom had finally opened its doors to him.

_It's here. I'm finally…free_

"You better hurry up before I leave your ass behind!" Sanzo called, looking back at the monkey, still wondering why he didn't hit him when he had the chance. "And wipe that stupid look off your face before I take it off for you."

Goku snapped out of his reverie once hearing the priest's voice again. He slowly caught up to Sanzo. "I… uh… thank you…" he looked back once more at the cave that would now become a memory of the past. "…Just, thank you."

Sanzo cocked an eyebrow and looked back at the monkey. "Feh… Whatever."

He took out a green lighter, lit a cigarette from the pack inside his robe, and continued slumping grudgingly into the sunset.

---

"Come _on_, Sanzo! I'm gonna _die _of starvation!" Goku whined, while acting as if death were an inch away. "Hey, Sanzo? If Hakkai and Gojyo don't show up in the next five minutes, can we go eat something? Huh? Can we?" the starved monkey looked up at the priest with his wide and shiny brown eyes, hoping for a positive reply.

"If you don't shut up in the next five _seconds _you won't even make it to civilization! So shut it monkey!" Sanzo pulled out his fan from inside his robe, and whacked the monkey across the left temple

Goku rubbed the bruised spot. "Well sor_-ry!_ I can't help it if I'm hungry!" he groaned, and dragged his feet, annoyed.

"Just shut up before I hit you again!" the priest cried, using his body language to threaten hurting him once more.

Goku fell silent, while Sanzo continued walking down the street. The five minutes seemed to have passed rather slowly. The tired, sweaty priest sighed as a simple bar up ahead caught his eye. "Whatever, Goku… Go ahead and get us a table…"

Goku raised his head slowly and looked toward the bar. "YAY, FOOD!" He ran towards the building as if he was a child and the bar was a candy shop. Not that that didn't define him already, laughing and scampering around like crazy…

Sanzo walked in, seeing Goku already slurping away at his ramen. He slipped into a chair and lit a cigarette. "Slow down, monkey. You're gonna choke, and _I'm _not gonna be the one to save your sorry ass." He warned cocking an eyebrow. He glanced over at the entrance, expecting _them _to walk in any minute, but no one was there.

Goku slowed down but continued to mimic a vacuum cleaner. "So, Sanzo…" he said in between bites - "…when do you think…" - he drank the broth left from the ramen and set the bowl down - "…they will get here?" He grabbed a sushi roll and looked back at Sanzo.

"Beats the hell outta me…" He smashed his cigarette in the ash tray, and took a sip from his beer.

"Hey there guys!" said and anonymous, yet friendly voice.

"Yeah. That stupid monkey can never stop eating, can he?" muttered a second voice from behind.

Goku looked up from his plate to see Hakkai and Gojyo standing by their table. He leaped out of his chair and ran to give Hakkai a small hug. "Hakkai! Gojyo! Where _were_ you guys?"

"Hey there, Goku!" Hakkai placed his hand gently on the monkey's head.

Sanzo pulled out yet _another_ cigarette and lit it up. "Hey… Go ahead and order. Just know I'm not paying for you since you were late." He muttered, exhaling a ring of smoke

"You wouldn't have even paid if we _were_ on time." Gojyo laughed trying to steal a scrap from Goku's plate.

"HEY! Get your own food you perverted kappa!" Goku snatched the plate off the table and held it close to his chest as if he were a baby.

"Heh. You're right. You _lose_ either way, don't you? Anyways, since we're on the subject, I'd be stupid not to ask: Why _were_ you guys late?" Sanzo snarled and took another sip of his beer.

"Well, as you can see…" Hakkai held his forearm to show it bandaged up. "We had a little… bad encounteron the way here. We were fortunate enough to stumble into a hotel near by here and the owner offered to treat our wounds." Hakkai then lifted up his shirt to show to show chest covered in bandages and cloths.

Goku stopped yelling at Gojyo, noticing Hakkai's injuries. "Wha-? When did _this_ happen?" he looked over at Gojyo to see that he had a band-aid poorly attached to his left cheek.

Sanzo pulled out his fan and whacked Goku across his head again. "For once, just _listen! _He just explained what happened! If you were too busy fighting with that kappa then too bad!" Sanzo pulled out yet another cigarette to smoke.

"Owie! That hurts, Sanzo! That's like the second time you've hit me there tonight!" He moaned, rubbing his head in the same place, feeling a bump begin to form there

"Yeah. Whatever…" Sanzo looked towards the entrance, slightly surprised to see five youkai walking in. He reached for his gun just in case. "You guys can watch your own sorry asses…" He smirked, looking over at Hakkai, Goku, and Gojyo.

"You've gotta be shitting me? These are the same fools from earlier! Haven't they learned anything from last times fight?" Gojyo hissed, slamming his cup on the table.

Hakkai stiffened at eh sight of the youkai that had slashed at his chest and successfully wounded him.

"Oh man! I don't like fighting right after I've eaten. My food hasn't even digested fully yet!" Goku whined as he looked toward the pack of youkai.

"Well, well, well… Look what we have here guys. It's The Cockroach and Mr. Pretty Boy. Oh, and look! They have some friends. What pleasure it would be to kick _all _of you bastards…" One of the youkai said while cracking his knuckles.

Gojyo turned toward Hakkai. "You probably shouldn't move; stay here. Got it?"

"But I-"

"No buts. Stay." Gojyo stood up and turned toward the youkai. "So… I see you guys have returned for another ass beating."

"Don't get cocky with me, you kappa!" One of the youkai, who seemed to be their leader, charged at Gojyo. The other four followed close behind accept their targets were Sanzo, Goku, and Hakkai.

_CLICK!_ In an instant, Sanzo aimed his pistol at the youkai's head. "Die. you piece of shit." He snarled; his cigarette still popped in his mouth. _BAM! BAM!_ Two shots were fired, thus leaving the youkai to fall to the floor.

"Die, you faggots!" Goku yanked out his Nyoi-Bo and knocked out one of the three youkai leftover.

Hakkai stood up seeing one of the last two youkai still living coming toward him. He stuck out his hand and started chanting. "_Nyozegamon Ichiji Haku Ga Bou Sei Shuu_-"

"NYOI-BO!" Goku smashed the youkai's head before it was even in a three-foot-range of Hakkai. He looked up sympathetically at his green-eyed friend. "You're not supposed to be fighting, 'member? So sit back and watch. 'K?"

"Heh…sorry." Hakkai smiled back at Goku, scratching the back of his head uneasily.

"Took you guys a while." Gojyo smirked as he sat on top of the leader of the youkai gang, who's lifeless body had now become a comfortable place to sit. "So you guys ready to hit the sack? 'Cause I'm tired as hell."

Goku yawned and slumped toward the entrance. "Yeah. Let's go. I'm sleepy too."

---

"WHAT? ONLY TWO ROOMS?" Sanzo looked at the clerk to make sure he heard him correctly.

"I'm sorry sir. We could bring in mats, pillows and blankets for your other companions but you will still have to share the rooms."

"Bah. Whatever. Just get the rooms, Sanzo. Me and Hakkai can share a room and you and Goku can have the other," Gojyo shrugged while slipping the money from Sanzo's grasp and handing it to the clerk.

"Thank you sir. Room 134 and 135. Enjoy."

"Whatever. Come on Goku," Sanzo mumbled, marching grudgingly up the stairs and to their aisle, leading them to their rooms.

"'Night guys. See you tomorrow morning." Hakkai yawned, waving to Sanzo and Goku.

"Night Hakkai!" Goku closed the door behind them. "Okay, so who's gonna get the -"

"Me. I get the bed." Sanzo said softly, yet firmly, sitting on the edge of the bed and lighting a cigarette.

"Aw, come on, Sanzo. Bah. Whatever… Sanzo?" Goku sat on the mat, and looked up at his companion.

"Hm?" Sanzo lied down, still puffing smoke rings into the air.

"I'm worried," Goku whispered. He lied back down on the mat that was parallel to the bed, and placed his hands casually behind his head.

"God! What now?" Sanzo smashed his cigarette angrily in the ash tray.

"Well…" He looked over at Sanzo with melancholy eyes. "You've been smoking a lot more lately. It worries me… Is there something wrong?" Goku sat up now, still looking at Sanzo. "Maybe I can fix it. That's all…"

Sanzo turned over, facing the wall. "Feh. I can smoke whenever I want. And it's not like _you _could fix anything anyways."

Goku stood up and sat at the edge of Sanzo's bed. "Yeah, I could! And I'm just concerned, Sanzo! That's all!" Goku's face was now hovering over Sanzo's.

Sanzo pushed the monkey's face away. "Feh. Yeah right… Now go to bed."

Goku crossed his arms and then lay down again. He turned over, his back facing the bed.

_I was just concerned…that's all…_

---

Hakkai walked in, followed by Gojyo.

"Okay. Go lay on the bed while I get the bandages." Gojyo ordered, facing Hakkai.

"Huh?" Hakkai whispered, dumbfounded at Gojyo's comment.

"Your wounds. They need to be treated, otherwise they'll get infected."

Gojyo went into the bathroom and came back out with gauze, bandages and a small bottle of alcohol. "Lay down."

Hakkai lied down on the bed, and took off his shirt. "Uh, Gojyo? I could do it myself if you -"

Gojyo placed a silencing finger on Hakkai's mouth. "No. I'll do it. You're gonna hurt yourself if I let you." He slowly started to unravel the old bandage.

Hakkai blushed slightly after having Gojyo's finger touch his lips.

Gojyo took the gauze and poured a little alcohol on it, "Now this may sting a little. Okay?" He warned, before he slowly dabbed Hakkai's wound.

Hakkai winced slightly. "Oww…" he groaned a little while clutching the bed sheets.

"I'm sorry Hakkai. I don't mean to put you through pain, but I can't have you dying on me." He poured a little more alcohol on the gauze, and started wiping the wound again. Though this time, for some reason, he started admiring Hakkai's physique.

_What the fuck am I doing? Thinking of Hakkai like that… well… he does have a nice body but…_

"Ow!" Hakkai screamed, clutching the sheets tighter.

Gojyo was brought back to reality, once hearing his friend scream in pain.

"Oh! Sorry! I was… uh… thinking… that's all. Sorry…" He quickly grabbed the new bandage and wrapped it around Hakkai's chest, with as much tenderness as he could muster.

Hakkai stopped wincing and peered at Gojyo for a moment.

_This man… he's always there for me… He was there when it was raining that one night and I was just lying there… And even, he's keeping me alive…_

"There you go. You should get some sleep, but I'm gonna stay up," Gojyo whispered and stood.

Hakkai nodded. "Okay… and… um… Thank you." Hakkai lied down and turned toward Gojyo. "You know, you are always there for me... You were then and you are here now…"

"Huh? What's this about?" Gojyo turned toward Hakkai with his eyebrow cocked.

He smiled and turned around, facing the wall, and closed his eyes. "I just thought I'd tell you 'thank you'… That's all"

Gojyo just sat there, thinking about his friend… And his comment.

_You don't need to thank me… You just happened to be there on my way home. That's all… I think…_


	2. WaitWhat?

Part Two: Wait… What?

A groan escaped from the monkey, rolling over to see Sanzo still lying on the bed.

_What time is it anyways?_

He blinked, gazing at what was right in front of him. He rubbed his eye, making the view clearer now. He could see for sure that Sanzo was definitely asleep. He glanced at the single window beside the bed, trying to see beyond the dark shadows the forest around their inn created. He stood up, slowly crawling on the bed, and sat there next to his sleeping friend. He looked everywhere around the room, trying to see if something would catch his eye. The last thing he expected to find interesting, lied before him, sleeping soundly.

_I wonder what he's thinking… oh yeah. Hehe. That's right. He's asleep._

Goku gently slapped his head, laughing softly at his own stupidity.

Sanzo moved his arm a little, making Goku gasp. The tired priest turned over, now facing Goku, eyes still closed.

_Is he awake? No wait. I don't think so…_

His gaze left Sanzo's arm and moved to his face. The moon hit it just right, making it glisten. Goku tried to resist the urge to touch it, but it looked so _soft _and _shiny. _He lied down on the bed, still hypnotized by Sanzo's beauteous face. He didn't feel like going back to his own mat. He just wanted to lie there with Sanzo, staring at him until sleep wrapped its arms around him, dragging him back into a world of only dreaming… not that he'd ever dreamt before. He didn't know why either, but he had never experienced any dream, whatsoever. He glanced back over at Sanzo, realizing he was starting to talk to himself again.

_Maybe he won't mind me sleeping here for the rest of the night. I don't want him mad at me or anything… it's bad enough I'm just a worry freak and a stupid monkey to him…_

He turned over, having his back towards Sanzo and slowly, but surely, drifted to sleep.

---

_The cry of a woman ran throughout the castle. The castle in which held his dearest sister that he loved so very much and… his lover in which he could not bare to live without. Her scream echoed in his head. "Why? Why couldn't I save her?" he quickly grabbed the woman he loved dearly, holding her close as the crimson color continued to travel down his hands. "I… I couldn't save you…" he started to cry on her shoulder, while she rest a hand on his cheek, reminding him that things were for the best and that she loved him dearly as well. Then she turned to corpse within seconds. "What's … what's going on?" he started to shake, seeing as a dead body lies in his hands. He looked up seeing something come towards his face, something dark and mysterious. He was going to scream but-_

Hakkai sat up in bed, sweating and gasping for air. He caught his breath and placed a hand over his eyes.

_I can't… I can't bear to watch her die in my arms again…not like that…_

Gojyo stirred in his sleep. Hearing someone gasp for air, he opened his eyes and looked around the room to see Hakkai awake. He was sitting up, having his face buried in his hands. Gojyo pulled the sheet off him and went over to sit on Hakkai's bed. He sat down in front of Hakkai, startling him a little.

"Are you okay? Did you have a bad dream or something?"

Hakkai pulled his face out of his hands. "Yes, but it was nothing. Sorry to wake you." He pulled the covers back over himself and rolled over on his side again.

Gojyo leaned over Hakkai, making him turn back over.

"Don't you try to hide it from me! I know for a fact that if you wake up gasping for air that your dream was _not _about nothing!"

Hakkai was a little taken by Gojyo's actions, trying to find words to tell him that it really was nothing. "I… uh… it was about my past…that's all…" Hakkai looked down, hoping he wouldn't have to explain it all; hoping that he wouldn't to go through the vivid images of that woman dying in his arms; _hoping_ that his kappa friend could put the small clues together to figure out that it was about… her.

He hesitated a moment. He understood. He knew what Hakkai meant. He didn't have to explain. It's not like Hakkai lost _just _his sister or _just _his lover but both. All at once, it was lost. Gojyo had never really experienced love. I mean hitting on woman and getting laid didn't involve all that. It's not like his mother showed affection for him either. I mean if she did love him, he was sure she wouldn't have tried to…_kill _him. Gojyo gently placed his hand on Hakkai's back. "It's okay. I understand. You don't have to explain. And _I'm _the one that should be sorry. Not you."

Hakkai sighed in relief, looking outside the window near his bed.

"It's strange though. I'm having dreams already and it's not even raining."

Gojyo pulled out a cigarette from the pack of High – Lites laying on the nightstand, and popped it in his mouth. He took out his lighter and lit it, inhaling his cigarette and then exhaling the smoke out repetitively.

"Hmm. Yeah, I guess so. You're not always gonna dream when it rains though. Sometimes your mind is full of many thoughts, you're stressed, or maybe even lack of sleep. Sometimes it's because we go to sleep still wondering about the past, thus, leaving us to dream about it. Hehe, as if _that_ made any sense."

"No, it made sense. I really don't know why I dream of that day. It's almost as if it were haunting me." Hakkai leaned his head against the cold, glass window and looked over toward Gojyo.

Gojyo looked back over at Hakkai, staring into his eyes. They had that…that shine to them. It's as if his eyes had their own personal glow to them, even if the room were dark. Like a cat's eyes at times, but they weren't as mischievous looking.

"Well, I guess you shouldn't worry about it. You already have tons of other things on your mind. Which probably means you should be getting back to bed." He stood up, walking back over to his mat. The covers completely displaced, just lying over the floor. He put out his cigarette and lied down, pulling the covers over himself. He rolled over until he was facing Hakkai, his head still leaning against the window.

"Well, uh… good night then, Gojyo." Hakkai slowly slid down until he was on his back, and let out a sigh. He let his eyes close but only for a minute. By then he had fallen back to sleep, leaving Gojyo to stare blankly at the ceiling.

"Yeah, 'night Hakkai."

---

He woke up, feeling some kind of warmth around his body, an embracement of some sort. He opened his eyes slightly, seeing someone's soft, brown hair. He opened his eyes a little wider to find Goku was the one who had wrapped his arms around Sanzo's chest and snuggled close. He was about to hit the monkey when he noticed something odd. His left hand was entangled in Goku's hair and his right hand had slipped around Goku's hips.

_What… What's going on? How did…WE end up like… Like this?_

He looked at Goku's body once more to see if this was a dream or reality. He lied there for a moment, thinking about what happened last night. Had Goku fallen asleep with him? No, he remembered seeing Goku on the little mat. He hadn't drank anything either to drug him. This was real. Goku had really fallen asleep in Sanzo's arms. After regaining consciense, he slowly unwrapped Goku's embrace, and got off the bed, trying not to wake the monkey. He slipped into the nearest chair, pulling out his pack of cigarette's and lighting one up. He inhaled slowly, as if he were trying not to waste any smoke, then exhaling it roughly into the air. He glanced back over at Goku and inhaled his cigarette again, muttering something as he exhaled.

"What the hell happened last night?"

((A/N: ok so I know this is shorter, actually WAY shorter, than the first chapter, but I've been on I guess a writers block so sorry for making you guys wait so long for _this _well thanks guys for reviews and such. It really means much that you guys would take the time to read my story. So once again thanks and…ENJOY!))


	3. Only Innocence

Part Three: Only Innocence

Hakkai rolled over, squinting his eyes as the light shined through the window beside his bed. He slowly lifted his hand to rub his forehead, remembering his dream last night. He then shook his head as if trying to forget it once again. He sat up, his feet now hanging off the edge of the bed and now coming in contact with the cold, hard floor. He grabbed his monocle from the night stand, fixing it over his right eye.

The first thing he seemed to notice was the sleeping body of his companion, sprawled over some of the mat, though mostly off of it. Gojyo's blanket was entangled through his legs, around his body and entwining with his left arm. Hakkai chuckled at the sight of his blanket looking as if it were strangling Gojyo.

Hakkai stood up, walking over to the small table on the other side of the room, rummaging through the small items just lying there.

"Ahhh. Here it is." He said to himself, gently picking up the map he'd been using for their journey west. Though Hakkai had only spoken softly, his voice seemed to echo from the morning silence, causing Gojyo to stir slightly. Hakkai glanced at him, seeing Gojyo's eyes start to open.

"Why, good morning Gojyo." Hakkai said cheerfully, smiling brightly as he now took a seat in a small wooden chair and began to examine the map.

"Mmm… Mornin'…" Gojyo mumbled in reply, rubbing his eyes as he began to unwrap the 'deadly' blanket from around his body.

"…Hey, Hakkai? Is everything okay?" Gojyo asked concerned, referring to Hakkai's dream from the previous night. He stared at Hakkai, waiting for a reply, but hoping he hadn't said anything to trigger something.

Hakkai lowered the map onto his lap, and looked back over at Gojyo.

"Oh… Um, no. I slept wonderfully after that um… incident," Hakkai revealed another smile. "Thank you for your concern though."

Gojyo looked Hakkai over, approving as he saw nothing wrong with him. He then nodded and smirked. He walked over towards Hakkai, leaning over him and pulled the map down with his index finger. A wide grin formed as Hakkai looked up at Gojyo a little shocked, their faces only a foot or so apart.

"Well, then," Gojyo chuckled "I'm glad to see you've stopped worrying so much. Wouldn't want you to be sad and gloomy now, would we? Especially since you seem to be the only sane one." Gojyo laughed, though trying to make his words sound meaningful. As he stood back up and walked into the bathroom, he seemed to not notice his green eyed friend had become speechless as a small shade of pink spread across his cheeks. He shook his head again, trying to focus back on the map as he whispered to himself.

"The…sane one?"

---

_Where… Am I? Who's… whose voice is that?_

Goku thought to himself as he barely opened his eyes to see a cream color surrounding him. He opened his eyes more to find it was the pillow case. He paused as he then felt the mattress below him.

_Wait…A bed? But I slept on a mat… No… then I… moved up here… with Sanzo._

The monkey immediately patted the space beside him, feeling nothing but the open bed.

"S-Sanzo?" He managed to mumble, though it had been muffled by the sheets in front of his mouth. He then fell silent, noticing the mumbling coming from the other side of the room again, along with the tapping of fingers. The scent of cigarette smoke had become noticeable. He rolled over to find Sanzo sitting at the table, his back facing him. He sat up, sensing a feeling of worried ness coming from the priest. He could tell Sanzo seemed to be pondering on something. He hoped something hadn't caused any type of anxiety on Sanzo, or anything.

"Sanzo? Is… everything okay? You seem… worked up…" Sanzo snapped out of his train of thought as he heard Goku's soft, sweet voice behind him. So calm and innocent sounding. Sanzo wanted to snap at him for what he'd found out this morning about the odd awakening he'd had, but he lost the urge to as he turned his head to look over his shoulder and saw the monkey's face. Sanzo thought Goku looked just the way he'd sounded.

_So soft and delicate and innocent…so…cute._

The word 'cute' echoed in his mind as his jaw dropped and his cigarette fell out of his mouth and onto the floor.

"Cute…" Sanzo repeated in disbelief as he shook his head. Goku got out of bed, quickly walking towards Sanzo. Picking up his cigarette and placing it in the ash trey. He took a good look at Sanzo, placing his hand on the table, the other firmly on Sanzo's shoulder. He didn't exactly shove his face into Sanzo's. He sort of slowly, but immediately, brought his face close to Sanzo's, staring deeply into those violet eyes.

"Sanzo. Please tell me what's wrong. I… I want to know. I want to be able to help you."

Sanzo's cheeks had a very faint tint of pink on them as Goku's warm breathe blew against Sanzo's mouth as he spoke. Sanzo snapped out of his dreamy state, trying not to get flustered; trying to make the weird, abnormal things stop happening to him.

_First I sleep with him… and now he's… cute? And the only thing I can think of with him is… soft… and sweet… so…_

Sanzo pushed Goku's hand off his shoulder and without hesitation, stood up, causing Goku to back up some.

"Help me? You want to help me! You think sleeping with me is help!"

Goku's eyes fell upon Sanzo's lips as he yelled. His sight slowly moved up to his upper lip, then his nose, stopping at the bottom of his eyes, not wanting to have to look at Sanzo completely.

"I'm sorry… you just… I… You were mad at me and I… I wanted to help but… I… can't…" he stared back, now looking into Sanzo's dark violet eyes. "I can't help if I don't know what your problem is… Sorry…"

He lowered his head as Sanzo just stood there, staring at the monkey, his past thought running through his mind.

_The only things I can think with him… his how he's always… and only… soft and sweet…_

Sanzo stepped closer, Goku now glancing back up though his head was still lowered.

…_Only calm…_

Sanzo lifted Goku's head with his hand gently under Goku's chin, his thumb on the front of his lower chin, right below his lower lip Sanzo spoke his last thought out loud as he stared into those big golden eyes of Goku's.

"Only… only innocence…"


	4. I hate to love you

**Part Four: I Hate to Love You**

Gojyo came out of the bathroom, looking more awake then earlier now. He gazed at Hakkai from behind, watching him study the map so profoundly.

"So where're we going today?" Gojyo mumbled in monotone, still looking at Hakkai from behind as he grabbed an apple from a nearby counter. His face showed dismay as he took a bite of the healthy nutrition he needed but did not approve of.

Hakkai was startled a little; him being so focused on the map, he hadn't really noticed that Gojyo had stepped out of the bathroom. He didn't turn to look at Gojyo though as he began to speak.

"I'm not quite sure, though we're obviously going somewhere west," Hakkai began to chuckle at how corny his joke had been, glancing back at Gojyo now.

"Something tells me we wouldn't make it to India," Gojyo said, still holding the apple as he grinned and shook his head. He forced himself to take another big bite out of the apple before tossing it in a small waste basket in their room and walking over to a chair next to Hakkai to put his boots on. He pulled out the chair and sat down, popping a cigarette quickly into his mouth and lighting it before he moved on to his boots.

"You know, Gojyo? One of these days, that smoking is going to catch up with your health, no matter how much nutrition you eat." Hakkai had the map set on his lap, all eyes on Gojyo now.

Gojyo just cocked an eyebrow at Hakkai as he finished slipping on one boot and tying it.

"And why are you saying this _now_?" Gojyo said, looking at Hakkai, not quite sure why this would be a recent problem so suddenly. Hakkai Hesitated slightly as he cleared his throat.

"It's um… Well, it's always been a problem, Gojyo. I just don't bring it up often," Hakkai then stared at Gojyo, waiting for a reply but at the same time, thinking of anything to add to his comment.

"Well, it's not like it matters wh-" Gojyo was immediately cut off by Hakkai as he set the map down and stood up over Gojyo, looking down upon him.

"And if you don't give a damn about yourself, fine. That's _your _problem, but what about me Gojyo? If you won't watch your awful smoking habit for yourself, then watch it for me, please?" Gojyo just stared up at Hakkai, not quite sure what to say. His cigarette seemed to be barley hanging from his mouth. Gojyo's lips slowly curled into a smirk as he took his cigarette out of his mouth and set it in the ash tray, not taking his eyes off Hakkai for a second.

"Yes sir, master. Heh," He slipped his right hand behind Hakkai's left thigh and slowly ran it up towards his ass. Hakkai, of course, immediately began to blush as he jumped back and pushed Gojyo's hand away.

"Gojyo! Don't kid around like that! That... that's just perverted! I was being serious!" Hakkai wanted to yell at Gojyo, but he was blushing so much, it was hard to find the voice to yell at him with anger. Gojyo stood

up laughing, grabbing his jacket and walked to the door. He turned back to look at Hakkai, still smirking.

"Me? Perverted? Nah… And who said I was kidding?" He chuckled as he then became somewhat serious, "I'll be down in Sanzo's and Goku's room. Meet ya down there soon," He grinned again as he winked at Hakkai and then walked out of the room and down to Sanzo's.

"Arg… I swear Gojyo…" Hakkai mumbled, picking up the map and stepping into the bathroom to wash his face before heading down to Sanzo's room. He stared at his reflection as he came in, not quite sure to expect what he saw. "Oh… My…" He placed one of his hands on his cheek, just staring at how flushed he was. Had he really gotten _this _red over a silly joke Gojyo did? He quickly set the map down and threw water on his face and began washing it.

---

"S-Sanzo?" Goku managed to get out as he stared up at the priest. Never before in Goku's _life_ had he ever had someone this close to where he could feel the breath of another person against his lip. Goku's lips seemed to be trembling slightly, still feeling Sanzo's thumb hold his chin up.

"Just… So… Innocent," Sanzo whispered as he moved in a little closer, almost able to feel Goku's lips against his.

"Hey guys. Hakkai's comin' in a minute, okay? So I'm just gonna sit back and rel- WHOA!" Gojyo had come in the room, not exactly noticing Sanzo and Goku at first until he stepped into the next small room. "My God! What're you two _doing_?" If Gojyo's cigarette had still been in his mouth, it would've surely fallen out now as he gawked at the two. Sanzo snapped out of his little trance of admiring Goku, hearing Gojyo's annoying voice. He quickly pulled his hand back, glaring at the trespasser.

"What in the name of _Buddha _do you _want_?" Snapped Sanzo, his teeth grinding together as he flushed from anger and embarrassment at such an unexpected visitor.

"Well, we _are _kind of traveling together, in case you forgot. I came in so we could wait for Hakkai, but apparently I was… ruining something?" Gojyo questioned as he cocked an eyebrow at Sanzo, then glancing over at Goku. The Monkey still seemed rather surprised, hesitating a moment before managing to get something out.

"Uh… N-no, Gojyo! We were, um… Accidents happen, but you can stay Gojyo!" He looked helplessly at Gojyo, mouthing the words stay after he glanced at Sanzo, who still seemed to be pissed at Gojyo.

"Yeah, just an accident, like the little monkey says," Sanzo muttered sarcastically, almost as if to say, "Psh. Like _that_ was an accident. Geeze, Goku, You're a bad liar…" But Sanzo just slid into a nearby chair and pulled out a cigarette and lit it up, inhaling deeply. He picked up a newspaper and exhaled the smoke roughly. Gojyo just looked from Sanzo to Goku, the little monkey now sighing in relief.

_Something… Something's definitely up here… wonder what happened…_

Still pondering on what the two had been up to, Gojyo took a seat at the same small table that Sanzo was reading the newspaper at. He fiddled with his thumbs for a few seconds and then put his hands behind his head and lifted both feet to rest them on the table.

"Man, when is Hakkai gonna be in here? I'm getting starved!" He complained, speaking to both himself and the others. Sanzo slowly bent a corner of his newspaper down to glare at Gojyo's filthy boots near his ashtray and then glared back up at Gojyo.

"Get those disgusting pieces of crap you call shoes off this damn table before I shoot you," He snapped, causing Gojyo to glare right back, "And stop complaining. You're starting to sound like the monkey over there…" He then went back to reading the newspaper and smoking his cigarette. Goku was sitting on the floor, staring blankly out the window. He ignored Sanzo's remark and continued to become lost in his own thoughts.

_What was that stuff Sanzo kept saying? Something was definitely going to happen if Gojyo hadn't walked in. I wasn't scared of Sanzo or anything… I could never be scared of him, but what was that… that thumping in my heart? I don't understand any of it…_

Goku let out a long sigh. "I guess I'll just have to ask Hakkai about it later," he quickly covered his mouth, realizing he'd spoken aloud. Sanzo glanced at Goku from behind his newspaper as Gojyo just cocked an eyebrow and turned his head to ask him what he was mumbling about, but there was a knock at the door that cut him off and brought everyone's concentration towards the door.

"Hey guys, I'm gonna come in now," The heard Hakkai's voice muffled out by the door before it opened and the one and only, Hakkai, appeared, looking bright and cheery like always. "Mornin', Sanzo, mornin', Goku," He patted Goku's head gently as he looked over at the table Sanzo mumbled something, assumingly a greeting, as Goku somewhat forced a smile onto his face, even though he _was _glad to see Hakkai.

"What's for breakfast, Hakkai? You gonna cook for us?" Goku seemed to have soon forgotten about earlier as his stomach began to talk for him. Hakkai just chuckled as he looked down at the monkey.

"Heh, no, Goku. I'm not going to cook today. We don't have much time to eat actually. I was hoping that we might be able to buy something before we go, just for snacking since we're already a little behind schedule." All three companions looked at Hakkai as if to say he was crazy, but neither of them said anything. Hakkai began to lead to the door, hoping they'd be following soon. "I'll go buy something to snack on and then I'll be waiting in the jeep."

"'Kay, Hakkai I'll go with you-" Goku began to say before Gojyo grabbed him and cut in.

"No you stupid monkey. You stay here; Hakkai's old enough to go by himself. Plus, you'd probably annoy the shit outta' him anyway." Goku began to pout, eventually deciding not to start a pointless argument.

_Guess I'll just have to wait 'til later to talk to Hakkai…_

Gojyo and Goku slumped towards the front door, waiting for Sanzo to get ready. Gojyo popped a cigarette in his mouth and began to puff in the smoke before leaning his head against the door and cocking his head at Goku.

"So what was that, er… stuff about earlier? I mean, whatever the hell I barged into when I came in… Looked like you guys were, well…"

"Just shut up, Gojyo," Goku mumbled, not particularly wanting to talk about it with Gojyo. He let out a long sigh, now hearing Sanzo walking out of the bathroom and towards the door.

As soon as Sanzo rounded the corner into the main room they were in earlier, Goku opened the door and began walking down the stairs to the jeep, hearing the other two follow behind. Hakkai was already in the jeep, waiting for them. He smiled as Goku and Gojyo hopped in the back and Sanzo got in. He started the engine and began driving out of the small village.

Oddly enough, several of hours passed and the jeep had stayed pretty silent. Hakkai hummed to himself, but he always did when a conversation failed to start, or when a pointless when began.

Sanzo was just… well, Sanzo; smoking a cigarette and contemplating over things no one could guess.

Gojyo ate some of the food Hakkai bought, but other than that, he was pretty silent himself, wondering about a certain relationship with a certain someone.

And then there was, of course, Goku. He was the most silent, and as hungry as he probably was, he hadn't touched the food once. He had his arms crossed and was leaning against the inside of the car door, staring blankly at the trees in the forest they passed. The only thing that seemed to be running through his mind was Sanzo, and how he was going to ask Hakkai, and if Sanzo would be mad, and if maybe… Maybe Sanzo had affection towards him… Just maybe…

"Well," Hakkai said suddenly, slightly startling everyone, "Looks like we won't be able to make it to a town tonight, so we'll be camping out in the woods most likely. We're still about 150 miles away from the nearest village and it's already about… Hmm, I'd say… 5, maybe 6? I really don't feel like driving at night. Plus, I think we all need a little outdoors, am I right?"

Sanzo gave him an odd look, before casually and sneakily glancing back at Goku in the rear view mirror.

_Staring off into space… stupid monkey… Fuck, why the hell do I give a shit? It's not like he's doing anything fucking wrong… Arg, shit, yes he is! He's fucking making me think of him all the fucking time… always acting so innocent when I know he's fucking not. Always giving me sweet little looks and fucking pouting like a god damn baby. He tries to be so fucking adorable and irresistible without even trying and it… It fucking works…_

"Arg, damn it! What the fuck is your problem!" She was glaring gat Goku through the mirror now, not wanting look back at him. Goku's gaze turned to Sanzo as he heard him yell. Goku pointed to himself, once again, in Sanzo's eyes, trying to pull an innocent little monkey act.

"Who…? … M-me?" Goku stuttered, feeling afraid, something he'd never felt before no matter _what _Sanzo did or said to him.

"Yes! You, you fucking monkey! What the hell is your god damn problem!" Sanzo jerked his head towards Hakkai. "Just let me get out, now! I don't want to be with that little fucking dip shit behind me!" Sanzo jerked the door open as Hakkai halted to a stop, letting Sanzo storm off down a path in the woods, which seemed to not be very thick, thankfully.

Sanzo's outburst had cause even Gojyo to feel a little jumpy now. Goku just watched Sanzo walk away, suddenly pissed at Goku. The little monkey turned to Hakkai, his eyes beginning to burn a little as he felt his throat getting choked up.

"H-Hakkai? Did I… did I d-do something? I d-didn't mean to d-do anything, Hakkai, I swear!" Goku began to cry, feeling so guilty; feeling like it was his entire fault.

Gojyo looked form Goku to Hakkai. "I'm gonna go see what's up with Sanzo… Maybe you should deal with the monkey… You're better with kids anyways…" Gojyo whispered as they both got out of the car, Gojyo now chasing after Sanzo and Hakkai taking his seat in the back. He wrapped a comforting arm around Goku, letting him cry on his shoulder, hearing Goku begin to hiccup between words now.

"Shh, Goku. It's quite alright. Everything's gonna' be alright. I'm sure it wasn't your fault. Sanzo just. Well, he's just-"

"But H-Hakkai! I… I slept with him last night! That's not his fault, that's _mine_, Hakkai, _mine._" Goku stuttered as he cut off Hakkai, looking up at him now. "Last night, I woke up in the middle of the night because Sanzo's been worrying me and he's all I ever think about and he was just so… I don't know, so I moved from the mat onto the bed and I fell asleep, but then I woke up and he was all mumbling and smoking and… And then he… he had his face real real close to mine… and he… he almost…" Goku began blushing, though there were still tears running down his cheeks. He didn't know _what_ Sanzo would've done. Would he have kissed him? Goku wiped the tears away, finally getting a chance to talk with Hakkai, and he was going to use his opportunity as best as he could. "Whatever he almost did, Gojyo burst in and… well, Sanzo went back to normal…"

Hakkai was surprised at some of the things Goku stated. I mean, sure he was 18, but Goku actually sleeping with Sanzo? Even Hakkai and Gojyo didn't sleep together unless necessary. And as cold as Sanzo always seemed to be, hearing any type of affection from him was like, well, it was just uncommon and seemed almost impossible for it to happen. But then again, Sanzo had been with Goku for years, and Goku _wasn't_ at all a bad person to fall for.

_Maybe Sanzo's finally opened up a little…_

"Goku, do you think you could describe what Sanzo _did_, exactly? Like, did he just walk over to you and try and kiss you or did he try and touch you or did he trip and fall and maybe you thought he was trying to make a move on you, but it was really an accident?" Hakkai asked, Goku now looking almost like before now that he had wiped the tears away and the hiccups stopped.

Goku blushed, surprised he remembered everything so perfectly, and it was odd how pleased he might've made himself sound when he recapped it all in his head.

"Well, I didn't wake up when he did, so for all I know, he just got up and sat in the chair, probably a little surprised from me sleeping in the bed," He paused as Hakkai nodded, remembering Hakkai was the one to help him and it was probably best that Goku told him now matter how embarrassed he may've gotten, "So I wake up and I hear him mumbling stuff, probably getting ready to give me hell when I wake up, which is no surprise… But when I called his name, he turned his head to look at me, and it was weird because I _swear_ I saw him smile. Maybe not a big smile, and maybe not the longest smile he's never given, but he smiled at me."

Hakkai just nodded again, not wanting to interrupt Goku's story, he wouldn't mention the fact that seeing him smile could've been just his imagination.

"Mmkay, continue, Goku. We've probably got a while, so take as much time as you need. Oh, and once we finish with this, and Sanzo and Gojyo aren't back, we can make the camp site ready, just you and me. And I'll even cook, sound okay?" Goku nodded as a he let a smile show upon his face.

"Okay, that sounds great Hakkai. I like your cooking anyways… Oh, yeah… story… Well, I got out of bed, feeling a little worried again. I walked right in front of Sanzo and placed my hand on his shoulder and one on the table, kind of blocking him so he wouldn't be bale to look away or anything and I told him I wanted to help if anything's wrong. He pretty much stood up and yelled: 'you think sleeping with me is gonna help!' And I didn't know what to say. Well, I did, but I can never find the words around Sanzo. Especially when I-"

Goku cut himself off, not wanting to say that aloud, so he quickly continued on with his story, trying to avoid what he was going to say, and hoping Hakkai wouldn't ask about it, "Anyways, somehow he began mumbling stuff and he got really close to me and he had his thumb right below my lip, and he kept getting closer and closer. And that's when Gojyo came in… Sanzo seemed rather aggravated after that… And now he's… off somewhere…"

Hakkai hesitated a moment, seeing Goku's happiness beginning to drain again.

"Um… How 'bout we start with that camp! And I'll let you be my helper for cooking, hmm?" He patted Goku's arm, slowly getting out of the car and waiting for Goku. Goku just smiled again and hopped out of Hakkai's side.

"Okay, sounds great to me!" Goku laughed a little, kind of happy he could tell someone, especially Hakkai, about the incident of this morning.

---

"Arg, stupid fucking monkey…" Sanzo mumbled as continued wondering deeper into the woods. He huffed a little, quickly out of breath by the time he'd reached a small river that seemed to lead across the woods. He let out a long sigh and just stood near the river's bank, feeling slightly guilty, but still frustrated at Goku. "Why did he go and sleep with me?"

"My _god_, you freaking mother son of a-" Gojyo called, huffing like Sanzo had, almost gasping for air. He leaned over a little, resting his hands on his knees as he looked at Sanzo. "You… bastard. What the fuck was _that_ all about! What the fuck did Goku do? Looked like _you_ were the one who was all up on him earlier!" Gojyo shouted, referring to earlier when he'd barged into the room.

Sanzo, annoyed now by someone's presence, clenched his fist as he jerked around to face the kappa.

"Why the hell do you give a fuck! That little monkey goes and _sleeps _with me! He tries to be so fucking innocent all the time, and then goes and tries to get me to fucking jump him! It's all _his_ god damn fault!" Sanzo yelled, Gojyo and him now only inches away from biting each other's face off.

"Well, if you ask me, I think that's _your _fucking fault!" Gojyo shoved Sanzo back a little as he pushed his fingers into his chest. "You think he does all that on purpose! He's a fucking _kid_, Sanzo! A fucking **KID**! He doesn't know how to tease anyone, and he sure as hell he doesn't know how to _act_ innocent! He fucking _is_ innocent, Sanzo!"

Sanzo glared at him, unable to speak now. "Leave me the fuck alone…" he muttered, shoving Gojyo back with his on hands as he turned around and walked away. He just left Gojyo to watch him walk away, getting Gojyo aggravated even more.

"No, you fucking piece of shit…" Gojyo ran after him and tackled him from behind, causing himself to land on the ground with Sanzo beneath him. He put his hand on the back of Sanzo's head and shoved it into the ground. "What the fuck is your problem! Stop blaming that fucking monkey on your god damn problems!"

Sanzo rolled over, Gojyo still on top of him. He punched Gojyo across the face and rolled over so he was on top of Gojyo. He began to strangle him, dirt on his face and his hair all messed up and tangled.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON YOU FUCKING KAPPA!" Sanzo screaming now, still strangling Gojyo who seemed to be trying to get Sanzo's hands off from around his neck. When Sanzo's grip didn't loosen, he kneed him in the stomach and punched him across the face, pushing Sanzo off of him and standing up.

"Fucking priest my ass. Psh, you can go suck a fucking monkey," Gojyo straightened his clothes, Sanzo rubbing his face and stomach as he glared angrily up at Gojyo. "Better yet, go back to _your _fucking monkey and apologize since he's the one who ended up crying because of your fucking selfish wants and needs." And with that, Gojyo walked away this time, leaving Sanzo to watch him go back where Hakkai and Goku were, soon unable to see him in the woods.

Sanzo stopped rubbing his face as he heard Gojyo's last words.

_Did I…? Did I really make him cry? Arg, why the fuck does that monkey have to be such a baby-_

He cut off his thought, remembering how he'd just so randomly yelled at Goku in the car. Maybe he _had_ been a little harsh, but he deserved it, didn't he? Sanzo slowly stood, still trying to convince himself that he didn't do any wrong and that it was Goku's fault, but he already _knew_ it was he who'd done wrong and _he_ was the one to take the blame in the end.

"Fucking… monkey…" He leaned against a tree after he'd made it about half way back, beginning to feel pitiful. He wasn't going to cry or anything, but he sure as hell would've if he wasn't such a stubborn ass.

_Why does Goku do this? Why do I… Why do I think all those thoughts about him and even this morning… it was all just…_

"I hate you so much… you fucking monkey…"

---

Alicia: Sorry guys! I haven't been in a writing mood, but this past week, I've kind of been on a role (shut up…) so yeah… Finally finished writing part four. I had three pages worth of this story done before my brother deleted it smack/stab/sends brother to the fiery pits of hell But since I printed the story since I was ' quitting' writing for month(s) so instead of remembering everything, I just had to retype it all… 3 pages… size 9 font… damn, it sucked… But then I finished rewriting and began finishing up the chapter, and I got this… xD Hey, if any of you read **any** of the chapters and there's a major error or complaint you'd like to make, tell me here: & I'd be happy to fix it if I can… But anyways, sorry for those who've been waiting ages for this (probably only one person at the most xX) and to any new readers, enjoy what you can and I like reviews:3 Oh, and sorry for all the cussing Sanzo seems to be doing… GOTTA LET MY ANGER OUT SOMEWHERE! Haha, yeah right… anyways, thanks again and enjoy! 3


	5. Stubbornness Turns the Heart Black

**Part Five: Stubbornness turns the heart black**

"Does this look right, Hakkai?" Goku questioned, waving the stick of vegetables in front of Hakkai.

"It looks about right, Goku. Maybe just move this one a little more-there. That's better. Nice job, Goku." Hakkai smiled gently, looking at the little monkey at how proud he was of making such a perfect shish kabob.

Once Goku and Hakkai finished their little talk, Hakkai had suggested Goku find sticks and begin toe put some vegetables on them while Hakkai set up the tents.

Goku's ears suddenly twitched and Hakkai turned his head towards the forest Sanzo and Gojyo were in as they heard faint and muffled yelling in the distance. Hakkai couldn't quite make up what was being said, but Goku's keen hearing seemed to have heard just enough.

"H-Hakkai? You don't think that… that Sanzo would really _hurt_ Gojyo, do you?" Goku asked, feeling a little nervous now. Even the stick in his hand seemed to be shaking slightly, replaying what he'd just heard.

'_SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON YOU FUCKING KAPPA!'_

It wasn't threatening towards Gojyo and it sure did sound like something that would've come out of Sanzo's mouth, but Sanzo and Gojyo were a good ways away from Hakkai's and his position. Goku tried to imagine how angered Sanzo was if her were able to scream so loud.

Hakkai gave Goku a worried look, figuring Goku had heard something Hakkai hadn't.

"No, Goku, I don't think he would… But then again, it's Sanzo. Who knows what he'll do next." His frown seemed to have turned into a smile rather quickly, remembering that he probably needed to distract Goku from listening to Sanzo and Gojyo.

"I think their yelling is just a normal way to express anger, Goku. Now, let's get these kabobs over here and we can light the fire-"

_BOOM!_

Goku immediately dropped the stick in hand and stared wide eyed at the forest.

"H-Hakkai," he stuttered, beginning to shake at the gunshot, "A-are you s-sure S-Sanzo wouldn't hurt Gojyo or… himself?" Goku didn't wait for a reply before leaping out of the camping area and running towards the forest.

---

Sanzo continued to stumble back to where the rest of the gang was, resting at almost every other tree.

"Damn this… fucking… heat… I can't… breathe…"

_"Well…" He looked over at Sanzo with melancholy eyes. "You've been smoking a lot more lately. It worries me… Is there something wrong?" Goku sat up now, still looking at Sanzo. "Maybe I can fix it. That's all…"_

"Shut… Shut up, you fucking monkey!" Sanzo quickly pulled out his gun and aimed at the nearest tree in perfect range of him and shot.

_BOOM!_

The gun went off and Sanzo's arm dropped to his side as he leaned himself against another tree. His head hung low as he felt like such a low life. He wouldn't go as far as having self-pity, but he sure as hell felt like a worthless piece of shit at the moment.

"G-Goku… Why do you do this…?" He whispered to himself as he clenched his fist. He felt himself sliding down the tree until he hit the ground. His hand that hadn't been holding the gun came to his forehead as he closed his eyes, almost not wanting to go back to Goku.

---

_Please don't let anyone be dead, please, God, Please…_

"HEY Watch where you- AAAA!" Gojyo yelled as Goku ran right into him as he just came out from the other side of the forest.

"Gojyo!" Goku's eyes lit up slightly as he realized Gojyo wasn't gunshot wounded or dead. Goku wrapped his arms around Gojyo's chest and hugged him.

Gojyo, who'd been taken back, just cocked an eye brow at the monkey and gave Hakkai a suspicious look.

"What the hell? What's gotten into you? All I did was give your little fucking master a pep talk. It may've been hard as shit, but I didn't think you'd praise me for it…" Gojyo pushed Goku off of him and sat up while Goku quickly hopped on his feet.

"No, Gojyo. We heard a gunshot… We didn't know if things got serious between you and- Gojyo! Is that a bruise on your face!"

Goku began to tune them out again, remembering that there was still a gunshot and if it didn't hurt Gojyo, then there could've only been one other person who was hurt. With that thought in mind, Goku dashed off again, heading into the forest.

"Sanzo! Sanzo, where are you! Sanzo, please talk to me!" Goku began to yell, once he was deep enough in the forest.

Sanzo's eyes flew open as he heard the familiar voice calling to him.

_Heh… just like before…_

Goku took a few steps forward, moving a branch out of the way as he spotted his target. "Sanzo…" He whispered, the priest looking up at him now. Goku could feel his eyes begin to fill with tears, his heart beating faster and faster as he realized Sanzo was okay. "Sanzo I…" He slowly stepped forward until he was in front of Sanzo. He fell to his knees as he just stared at Sanzo, his golden brown eyes staring straight into Sanzo's deep violet eyes that seemed to carry almost no emotion. "I'm sorry, Sanzo… Whatever I did, I'm… I'm really really sorry. I don't know what to do, Sanzo. What do I have to do to show I'm sorry?"

Goku stared at the ground now, tears rolling down his cheeks. Sanzo just sighed quietly, almost not being able to watch Goku crying like this. Why was he even apologizing? Sanzo was the one who'd done wrong to begin with, but of course, if Goku wanted to take the blame, he sure as hell could.

"Stop crying you idiotic monkey and stop coming to me every time you have a fucking problem. Just stop worrying about me period… I can smoke whenever I feel like fucking smoking." And with that cold remark he stood up and just looked down at the monkey. When there was nothing but silence, Sanzo began walking away when he heard Goku call his name again.

"S-Sanzo?" Goku lifted his head, his voice a little shaky, but the tears had stopped. "I can't stop worrying about you… I can't just _s-stop_ thinking about you and move on with life, Sanzo. It's not like I can just… just forget you when you're not with me. I just can't." He stood up now, looking back at Sanzo. The priest was getting a little aggravated at the fact that Goku was refusing to do what Sanzo saw fit as his sign of apology.

"You fucking-" he mumbled under his breath as he sighed. "And why fucking not? Just 'cause you're fucking demon from Heaven and Hell doesn't make you God and ruler of this fucking world, or my fucking world. In case you haven't noticed, your fucking complaining is what makes me fucking ballistic, Goku! You're a fucking, selfish, manipulative and complaining monkey that just doesn't know how to shut the hell up!" he turned around and began to furiously stomp back towards the edge of the forest, still yelling at Goku. "And you just complain and complain and complain and you jump my ass about everything, and then you turn around and… and try to fucking seduce me this morning!"

Goku felt his eyes fill with tears again, but this time, he held them back. He followed Sanzo, who was still ranting about Goku when Goku grabbed Sanzo's hand and brought him to a stop. Sanzo turned around, still furious, as he yanked his hand away from Goku's grasp.

"Sanzo, I…" his voice became soft again, his eyes having a gentle look to them. And even with just two words, Sanzo felt slightly soothed.

_There he goes… trying to tease me… again…_

"I don't… I don't mean to do any of those things… and th-this morning I…"

_And sadly…_

"I didn't do anything intentionally… I don't know how I'm manipulative and I'm never controlling… I just try to watch out for you 'cause…" Goku stuttered a few words, trying to get out his point.

…_It works... It. Fucking. Works._

"...Goku…" Sanzo's hand had raised to Goku's cheek and began to gently stroke it as he spoke. His eyes were a soft violet now as they gazed over Goku's face. Sanzo felt like he was in a trance that he couldn't get out of, but at the same time he longed for this, and if gazing at Goku would kill, than by God, he was willing to die right there.

Goku began to blush as he fell silent, his heart beginning to beat faster again. He gently closed his eyes, just letting Sanzo touch his face. His hands were so gentle and soothing against Goku's smooth complexion.

"I just worry for you, Sanzo… b-because… b-because I…" Goku finally managed to force himself to tell Sanzo what he thought he felt. "Sanzo… I think… I th-think I l-love…"

Sanzo began to blush as his eyebrows pushed together as he began to see where Goku was going with this. He could feel himself getting angry by Goku's 'tease' and 'manipulation'. His hand stopped stroking Goku's cheek, causing Goku to look at Sanzo worriedly.

"S-Sanzo I… I'm-"

"Shut it, monkey." Sanzo said calmly but firmly as he quickly turned around and began walking back towards to camp for good now, not talking to Goku the rest of the way there.

---

"Aw, come one Hakkai! That fucking selfish priest just punched me about once or twice, _max, _before I got him back. Anyways, I'm fine Hakkai, there's no need to be all motherly and attach to your little duckling."

Hakkai put his hands on his hips as he looked down at Gojyo, who was still sitting down with Hakkai kneeling beside him.

"Now, Gojyo! I'm not your mother, and you're _definitely_ not my little duckling. I just happen to be the only caring and responsible member of this crew."

Gojyo pouted a little as he slid his hands around Hakkai's his and pulled him closer.

"Aw, you make it sound as if me being your little duckling is a bad thing," he whined kiddingly as a smirk soon slid across his face.

"G-Gojyo! Get… Get your hands off me!" Hakkai was blushing horribly and Gojyo's actions just made him stutter and more embarrassed. "D-do… do you find some funny sick… _humor_ in this? You… you really shouldn't joke around like this…" He managed to get out almost clearly. "Isn't that what a whore is for?" He mumbled to himself almost, but at Gojyo too as he continued to blush as Gojyo's wrap around him didn't loosen until that last comment.

"Hey! In case you haven't noticed, I haven't been with a lady in quite a while, and I think we both know why, Mister Smartass." Gojyo had brought one of his hands up to Hakkai's neck while he was talking and pulled him closer as he slowly pressed Hakkai's lips against his. Hakkai began to protest, just slightly though, as he tried to push away a little, feeling himself getting flushed more than ever now.

"Go-yo! Dop-hmmm!" Hakkai tried to say, but it was muffled as Gojyo just smirked and kept kissing him before Hakkai finally _tried_ to push Gojyo away and was, sadly for Gojyo, successful. Hakkai was breathing slightly heavy, as for the fact he hadn't been expecting a kiss, while Gojyo just laughed, looking at Hakkai wipe his mouth a little.

"Gojyo! Don't… Don't do that! How can you sit there and… and _laugh!_ Is this all a joke to you! You can't take anything seriously can you!" Hakkai was slightly aggravated now. Gojyo knew not to mess with Hakkai and his emotions, and right now, it seemed Gojyo was doing just that.

Gojyo stopped laughing as he became serious, realizing Hakkai wasn't exactly kidding anymore.

"It's not a joke at all… Actually, the only thing I'm serious about, at this exact point in time, is _you_." Gojyo slowly let his hands unwrap from around Hakkai as he sighed. "But since you don't think I am, then forget it." He stood up slowly and went over to where Goku ha been sitting before he ran off to Sanzo. "I guess I'll just pick up where the monkey left off."

Hakkai seemed rather surprised by Gojyo.

_Is he being serious? Does he really take ME seriously or am I just another person he can forget after one night?_

"Gojyo, I… Well, I don't… really know…"

"Get that fucking monkey away from me before I shoot his brains out!" Sanzo cut in as he stomped furiously into sight and towards one of the tents and closed himself inside. Goku had followed silently behind, sighing as he reached the camp sight.

"I… I'm sorry guys…" he said, feeling guilty for putting Sanzo in his pissy raging mood again.

"Hey, kid. Don't worry about it. You're bastard of a master's just getting' old… and he's adopted the feminine habit of PMSing." Gojyo chuckled slightly at his on joke, falling silent again as he realized no one else was laughing. "Just… Goku, don't worry about it…" Gojyo let out a sigh, realizing his talking and choking and strangling had probably only made Sanzo even more of a dumb ass.

"He just won't accept the damn truth…"

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A/N: Sorry this is kind of short, but please read, review, and most of all:

ENJOY!

And thanks for all the reviews/alerts/hits/fav's so far! It's much appreciated!


	6. A Safely Hidden Heart

**Part Six: A Safely Hidden Heart  
**

Eventually Sanzo had come out of his tent when the food was done, keeping silent and avoiding any conversing whatsoever.

Hakkai and Gojyo were checking for any other supplies or values-a.k.a. 'a fake disguise to talk about certain subjects in secrecy'.

"Hakkai, seriously. I can't have you getting killed.I mean... you are not doing this no matter what. I don't care if I have to run you over with your own jeep!" Gojyo stated forcefully and rather loudly.

"Come on Gojyo," Hakkai rolled his eyes, his arms crossing as Gojyo continued to pull such a childish act. "All I'll do is talk to Sanzo! I can't have Goku looking like he's about to die any moment, and neither should Sanzo! Goku is so sensitive right now and none of us can afford to go on with such tension between us."

"You look sexy tonight," Gojyo cut in as a smirk came across his face. Once again, a fake disguise to avoid complication. Of course, as true as it may've been in Gojyo's eyes, it was a statement to throw Hakkai off nonetheless.

"Excuse me?" Hakkai said rather bluntly, still feeling himself getting pink at such a statement. "None of your jokes will get in the way of my-"

And that was when Gojyo just went for it. Gojyo went ahead and took the risk of kissing Hakkai. Gojyo had even sworn for a second or two that Hakkai had given in until he felt a shove and watched Hakkai wipe his lips. Gojyo let another sly smile creep to his face as he watched him walk away, running a finger or two across his own lips.

"Damn. Even when you hold back, you're a good kisser."

---

Goku drew aimlessly in the dirt, little hearts soon getting swallowed by a wave of soil, the reshaping in the form of a broken and less sturdy heart.

Why is he doing this? Why can't he just accept all this and hug me or something? Why does he instead neglect my existence yet again but choose to sit right in front of me? Does he have to shove it in my face? Does he think I can't already see that he's now hating me so much that's it's killing me?

"DAMN IT! Why don't you understand?" Goku stood up, letting his thoughts get the best of him as he glared at Sanzo. "What don't you fucking understand about three simple words?"

Sanzo had finsihed eating earlier and had now moved on to an old faithful cigarette. After an outburst like that, it was rather hard to keep his smoke in his mouth and not respond at all (though he'd seemed to have done it many times in previous experiences).

_I...Love-_

He almost cringed as the word came into mind.

"The second word," he decided to mutter as he got up and left for his tent.

It's not as if Sanzo never felt love, thought he only seemed to previously receive from only one person. It was the thought of getting emotionally and mentally hurt. Many nights Sanzo had lost sleep over the thought of Goku loving him, but he blamed it on the cigarettes. He seemed to have an excuse for everything he didn't want to cope with, and Goku just happened to be standing right in the way of his conscience. What Sanzo hadn't figured out yet though was the fact that the love he had for Goku already existed. It was as if the picture was so big, Sanzo felt he was looking all the whole picture, but he could really only see a small section. The odd thing about reality was the picture Sanzo was trying to see was never big to begin with.

---

"Wow, it's already passed 10 PM. No wonder my eyes can hardly hold," Hakkai mumbled, checking his watch. He looked up in time to see Goku standing by himself staring at where Sanzo had been previously sitting. It was almost heart breaking to see the look on Goku's face, knowing he was wanting to break down and cry right at that moment.

"Is it really so hard to understand that I love you, Sanzo?" is what Hakkai swore he heard Goku whisper to himself.

"Goku, are you- You look shaken up."

Goku looked up suddenly, sniffling and wiping the tears as if nothing had happened.

"N-nothing H-Hakkai. Just something in my eyes..." Goku stuttered as he began to walk passed Hakkai. Hakkai wouldn't even let an inch pass between the two as he reached for Goku's arm.

"Goku, Sanzo just... Let him get the hang of it. Maybe he just-"

"What? Doesn't love me? 'Cause that seems to have been made clear _plenty_ of times," Goku jerked away to disappear into his tent and arrive at his thoughts.

Hakkai sighed as he shook his head, the feeling of wanting to seclude himself becoming more apparent. He muttered words of comfort to himself, reminding himself that Goku was still a child compared to the rest of them.

"Hey, is the kid okay? Looks to me like the monkey has a human side to him. First it seemed as if it were master and pet, but now, it seems Goku wants... Um..." Gojyo asked as he entered the camping area.

"Wants what, to receive acknowledgment he almost never gets from the one person his life revolves around?" Gojyo was slightly dumbfounded, yet not surprised that Hakkai seemed to have found the words he was looking for. That and the fact the he'd actually kept it sweet and simple, instead of a thorough explanation on teenage angst.

"Um, yeah, actually. S'weird how that summed up everything I thought you'd say. You gonna be okay too, or you gonna let that little monkey's feelings rub off on you?"

"I'll be fine. Oh, by the way, I'm sleeping in the jeep tonight, so I don't want anymore jokes-" Gojyo's face immediately scowled "-and none of this touching and kissing me-" Gojyo just felt himself getting a little flustered. These weren't mere _jokes_. "-I just want you to be serious with me from now on-"

"Hakkai, I don't play jokes on you! Do know what a_ joke_ is? Tying your clothes to a flag pole, hiding toilet paper after a spicy dinner, or throwing clean clothes in the mud! _Those_ are jokes, Hakkai! Giving someone a kiss isn't a joke and falling in love with someone sure as hell isn't either!" Gojyo knew his face was a little red as he felt himself getting hotter. He couldn't believe he yelled at Hakkai, but he could never understand why Hakkai wouldn't trust him.

"Well, if someone that had sex with everything that moved was trying to make a move towards _you,_ I don't think you would believe him either!" Hakkai seemed to notice how flustered to two were both getting.

"Sorry for thinking that you actually_ trusted_ me. Hell, I kinda thought trust was what got all four of us to keep traveling together! Maybe it's not the trust factor.Maybe it's just your fucking sister. Am I just not _worthy_ enough to take her place?"

"Excuse me?" Hakkai spat out as his jaw clenched.

"YOU FUCKING_ HEARD_ ME! If I knew you were gonna be this way about every little thing I do for you, I woulda just fallen in love with _SANZO_!" And with Gojyo getting the last say, he stormed toward the jeep.

Hakkai turned around, his heart pounding for some reason.

_'Probably just from yelling...'_

"Oh my- Sanzo! Sorry I- Gojyo and I were just-"

"Shut up, I don't care," Sanzo muttered after coming out of his tent.

Hakkai fidgeted mildly with his thumbs, fumbling the keys to the jeep in his hands. At this point, he felt he had to question everything he did, was doing, and what he was going to do.

"Sanzo, I know I'm not really the one to ask, but what do _you_ think love is?"

Sanzo practically choked on nothing, letting the thought of Goku slip away as he found a way to redeem the feelings his cold, empty heart had felt lately.

"Love, Hakkai? You've got to be shitting me? I hid that feeling years ago to get where I am now. D'you honestly think-"

"Hid?" Hakkai said trying to not comprehend Sanzo to maybe get an explanation out of him.

"Yeah,sure. I hid it in a box, away from the world." He glanced away, seeing Goku's face appearing in his head. Staring at the ground, he noticed someone had drawn something in the dirt.

"And what else, you just lost the key, right?" Hakkai muttered sarcastically, now honestly confused at where Sanzo was going.

"No" He paused as he recognized the image. Someone had drawn a beaten, raggedy heart in the soil with a crack down the middle, "I threw it away."

---

((AN//Oh my God, I finally finished this between sneaking on the computer! Sorry if this doens't live up to your expectations, but my brain is fried. I'm sorry!

-Bows down to all-

Please forgive me. I'll try harder next chapter!

Se amo!

-heart- Alicia))


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